Jennifer

I have had quite a few scares since my Lyndsee poo was brought into this world almost 4 years ago, but something about this morning just really shook me hard core.

We still co-sleep of course and I was awaken to the little cries at 6:30am of “Mama, Mama, wake up”. I immediately woke up and said what is wrong baby girl. I knew she couldn’t be ready to get up for the day considering we didn’t get in the bed till almost 2am.

One look at her and my heart skipped a beat. I knew something wasn’t right. Her eyes were real glazed over like, she was extremely hot, and just looked like she had no energy whatsoever. My mind goes a million ways. Am I being an over reactive mother, or is there something really wrong. I kept trying to talk to her and all she wanted to do was lay in my chest. I start crying. Here we are a little over a week of me doing the single parenting since hubbs is out of town doing Rebuilding in Iowa. My emotions are all over the place anyways, so I get ahold of myself and call my mom.

I ask her to please come over and look at Lyndsee. I tell her what was wrong and she said I’ll be right over. In the mean time, Lyndsee is still being real fatigued. I immediately start praying over her, I put my hands on her tummy and said “Lord please whatever is wrong to take it away and let her feel better. Do not take my youngest baby away from me. Please lead me in the right direction of what I need to do” It was a matter of seconds that Lyndsee stands up and starts vomiting this bright yellow stuff that looks like Bile. As soon as she did that, she started bouncing back to herself. My mom and dad walked in right after that too and made her smile really big.

I will go ahead and say I am a HUGE worry wart and I try to be rational about it. That is why I called my mom over. But, I can’t help to let my mind wonder. As soon as I delivered both of my girls, my heart immediately wrapped around their little bodies. They are my world and I live life for them. I thank God so much for letting me be a mom to two wonderful little girls. Yes there may be cries on some days, yes there may be times I have to go scream in the shower, yes there may be times I want to run down the street, but it all comes down to it….. I could not live life without my girls. The love I have for them is so deep that it just keeps going farther and farther and farther in their hearts. I love you girls!!

Thank you Lord for letting my Lyndsee Poo be ok!

I’m so bummed and I can’t quit thinking about the what-ifs :(. Tonight we took our nightly walk like we do every night, but this night I decided to do something different. I was missing my super fab friend Cindy and called her up to see if we could walk down to her house. She said sure, so we went on down. Plus you know hubbs is out of town and I don’t really get to much adult interaction these days LOL.

Anywho, instead of the girls doing the ole boring walk, we thought we would liven it up a little bit and let them ride their bikes. Who cares about the steep hill we would be going down and then back up, who cares about the dark tunnel we have to walk through. Yep :(. Here goes the mommy’s world’s worst mom moment. I am trying to make sure Lyndsee doesn’t go too fast down the hill, but in the mean time Madisyn doesn’t realize how fast she would be going down and just totally froze and didn’t use her breaks. She starts going so fast, and I am running at the same time yelling Madisyn Madisyn Madisyn…. there she goes down into the ditch and shoots across her handle bars and lands face first into a bunch of weeds in the grass. UGGGGH. I immediately jump down into the ditch to get her. She looks up at me with these big crocodile tears and says “Mommy I didn’t mean to”. Oh no Madisyn sweetie it isn’t your fault at all. Mommy should have warned you more and been there to hold and guide you. Mommy is sooooo sorry. We are just standing there hugging. What if she would have landed on her head?, What if she broke a bone?, What if she would have got seriously injured? She only ended up with 4 scratches on her leg we seen tonight while giving her a bath, THANK GOD who was watching over her! I’m so darn stupid, why did I not hold my daughter?… why did I let her go down that hill by herself?…Please forgive me Madisyn.

Mommy loves you with all her heart and I would never intentionally let anything happen to you in the world. I’m you’re protector and suppose to be there every step of the way.

I’m hanging my head in shame tonight :(.