Today has been such a whirlwind. Sometimes I question my parenting decisions and today was definitely one of those times. I took my girls in for their well checks today. I have been skipping well checks for the past couple years but I had some questions I needed answered so I made sure I took them in today.
I knew my two year old was behind her vaccinations, and I didn’t want to get them all today so we just opted for two today. She screamed which just broke my heart but was fine afterwards. On to my four year old and I knew we would have our hands full since she is a very strong willed child anyways. Hubbs helped hold her while the nurses poked her three times. She had to have these vaccinations for her starting school UGGH :(. It’s so hard at this age because she really knows what is going on and her surroundings, but I know she needs the vaccinations as well. We got her up from being poked and her face turned white as a ghost and I knew something wasn’t right. Hubbs said she will be fine unless her knees start knocking well they did and out she went. I went running down the hall to try and find the dr but I couldn’t find him so I grabbed the nurse. I was crying and screaming because I was worried the death that the vaccinations had went to her heart and something was happening to my little girl. I bent down on my knees and balled my eyes out. The nurse said you need to step out of the room please. I was furious. Here I was so worried about my little girl and they are asking me to leave the room?
Turns out she just passed out, but I still don’t have answers why she passed out for. Gosh I love my girls so much and to think that I could have caused something so bad to my little girl is just beyond words for me. I kept kissing her and telling her I was so sorry and she wouldn’t have to get anymore shots that she was all done. She was crying to but she still had that sweetness in her that always comes out. She said mom I am sorry to make you cry. Isn’t she adorable? I said honey do not worry about that. Mommy was just upset cause her little girl got sick. I love you and didn’t want anything to happen to you.
As if that wasn’t enough drama for today, back a few months back they found dark spots on her brain in a scheduled CT Scan. Well they want her to have a MRI now, but she needs to see a Pediatric Neurologist first to go from there. I have been worried sick of what these dark spots are and just ready to get some answers of what is going on and we can put this behind us. He said that it would be an all day event pretty much because she would need to be put to sleep a lot longer than she was with the CT Scan. The thoughts of me having to have her deal with dr’s again gives me a sick feeling. Moms suppose to be the protectors and when she sees me letting someone cause pain to her, the look in her eyes is so depressing and just downright sad. Hopefully we can get this taken care of and everything is going to be ok with my little girl.
I love you girls and mommy will always protect you with all her heart. You are her heart and soul.
