Mom's Babbling

I thought since it is the new year, it would be good to put a new fresh face on the blog!

I am feeling so much better and putting a new effort into making 2008 a wonderful and great year. As you can see from the pictures up above on the new face of the blog, we got to bring in the New Year with some cold weather and SNOW! I sure have missed the snow and Madisyn was soooo happy playing in it.

My girls are what life is about and they make me think more and more each and every day. With being up in NC for the New Year, it got me to thinking about a lot of things in my life and how I want to do much better as being a mother to my girls and teaching them about healthy lifestyles.

We went organic last year and I want to continue that tradition with my girls this year and help them make choices of what foods and drinks we are putting into our bodies. I know if I instill this into them now, that when they grow older and have kids it will come natural to them. Unlike when I was growing up, we had a lot of freezer meals and lord help me we all know what junk is in those ;). So that is one of my goals for the new year.

The second goal for the year is to move back to NC. Yes, I thought we were making a life changing decision that was going to be the best for our family by coming to Florida. I just knew this would be much better financially and mentally. Boy have I been shed the light. Now don't get me wrong, I love being close to the beach and near so many things, BUT that is not what life is all about. We have since found out that family has a whole lot to do with life. My girls and Scott and I have all missed our family back in NC and can't wait to get back to be with them. Also while in NC, we learned we would be regaining custody of my step-daughter. This happened so quick on the day we were leaving NC, that we had to drive back and stay another night to figure things out. So our move that was going to happen this summer back to NC is actually happening in the next month. I'm praying and hoping everything will go smoothly, but I know we are all going to be happy about all being back together in NC. 

The third goal for this mom is going back to school to finish her degree that she started years ago. It's always been my grandmother's dream to see me graduate college and she let me know that again while we were in NC this past week. It is something that has been weighing heavy on my mind for the last six months and I know without a shadow of doubt that it is meant for me to do it. I have about a year and half to finish and I will be doing online and night classes till I get to graduate. Also, it always scares me what if I am left alone with the girls or God forbid something happen to Scott. I want to know that INDEED I have the power to get a job that will support all of us. Also, I want to see that smile on my grandmother's face when I walk across that stage to receive my diploma!

My fourth goal is for us to find a church home. I have struggled and struggled with this since my first daughter was born. We have always been openly about God here at home and Madisyn is such a sponge with all the information. Also I know how much I enjoyed church as a little girl and I indeed want my girls to experience that as well. The girls know we are believers in Christ but now I want to share that with a church family. So when we get back to NC, we will begin searching for a new church home that we all will enjoy.

My fifth and final goal is to continue to grow my business here at home, but not to let me stress about it anymore. The stressors with my business, I am removing them so I will not get the burnt out feeling and I am going to bring a couple people on board to help me with my business. I have did this alone long enough now and now it is time to share my knowledge with my assistants and also grow my businesses at the same time!

This will be a great year. 2007 was dealt with a lot of emotions mentally and physically, but that is in the past now. We can either wept and pity ourselves with the past, or learn from the past and put new guidelines into place. For 2008, I am going to do the latter part!

HAPPY NEW YEAR fellow Mom Bloggers. This is going to be one heck a ride 🙂 

Do you see those happy faces on my mom and dad with Madisyn at her preschool graduation? I am missing that right now.

For all that don't know we made the move from NC to the Tampa Bay Area at the end of this past June. I thought this was the best move for us and would help Scott career wise and help Lyndsee with her Asthma. We were so happy to do the move!

Fast forward almost 5 months now. I am loving this area we have moved to. We are in a great neighborhood and close to anything and everything we ever wanted. Well so why the heavy heart Jen?

My parents are in NC so that is about 11 hours distance away from here. We are a close tight knit family and have always been. We call each other several times a day and usually seen each other about every other day and would go out on weekends together to do a variety of stuff. The girls loved going to see their YAY YAY and Paw Paw, so this has been a drastic change being a way from them. I thought I was doing pretty good with the distance apart until I started getting wind of what my dad was going through!

It just breaks my heart to know he is so down in the dumps, just feels like there is no life left in him since his pride and joys are so far away from him. He calls throughout the day to talk to me and the girls and you can just tell in his voice the pain he is going through. I talk to my brother and he sends me IM's during the day saying Dad isn't right Sis. He just paces the floor and says life just isn't worth it :(. I am crying writing this. That is my dad everyone… and I am causing the pain that he is going through. Do you know how bad that hurts? I never once thought he would experience this pain or he would be dealing with the situation this hard. I am worrying so bad that what if something happens to him, I am going to be the cause of it? I would never ever let myself get over that. I have always been a daddy's girl. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom dearly, but she has momma's boy (my brother) and I just have always been daddy's girl.

When he calls and says I miss you and love you sis. It just isn't the same without you here. I try to deter the conversation to talk about other things, but is just doesn't work. Why does this have to be so hard? Why did I think the move to Florida was best for our family? Why did I not think of other's emotions? Why am I so freaking stupid? All the Why's… that will probably never be answered.

Dad, I just want to say… I am sorry. I didn't mean it to be this way. You know I love you with all my heart and look up to you so much. I would never intentionally hurt you in anyway or make your life miserable. You have done so much for our family and was such a hard working man to provide for the family. This is your retirement years and life suppose to be enjoyable and not miserable. Will you ever forgive me Dad? I promise to make this right. I just don't know how right now, but hopefully I will see the light and God will steer me in the right direction. Please know the girls love you and YAY-YAY and they will never forget you. They talk about you all the time and I make sure to bring up the different stories you have experienced with them.

Dad please put chin up and let's get through this together. It's helping me write all this out too… even though the tears are flowing, its helping! Remember we are all here for you no matter what. Love your one and only girl!

If making my dad feel like this wasn't enough, I have my step-daughter back in NC as well. Now you might think since I say step-daughter that we have a rough relationship. It's actually the totally opposite. Yes at first it took an adjustment period, but now we have the best relationship any step-mother/step-daughter could have. We talk about everything and she knows she can come to me for anything. My girls love her so much as well and miss her dearly.

I was on IM talking to her tonight and she said:
"like no lie if i never got another gift for Christmas in my life i would just be fine i miss my family so much"

That was hard to read that. What have I done? KK… this is to your big girl… I love you dearly and we miss you so much with your crazy self. Only 30 more days and you will be here and we can all party like there is no tomorrow. I am sorry for taking your dad across the states, but just know we thought this was such a great career move for him. You know I would never ever intentionally hurt you or make you sad. I only want to protect you and love you. You make us laugh, you make us cry, you make us smile just by all you do and the love you have for us. You know we want you here so much, but I know the schooling thing is once in a life opportunity for you. I'm so happy that you are sticking this out, but the other part of me is sooo sad that you can't be here with us. I'm praying God will show us the light on what to do so we can be one big happy family again. I love you missy mae and never forget that. Like I have always said we are just a phone call and airplane ride away ok? Missing you.. Love your second mommy!

See why such a heavy heart tonight? It helps so much to journal this and getting it all out of my feelings tonight. I love all my friends and family and thank you all for being there for me during this time. Life just wouldn't be the same without all of you in it and I mean that with all my heart.

Cool crisp nights, leaves changing colors, sitting around the fireplace for game nights…

:pinch: A girl can dream right? Can you tell I'm missing the wonderful fall days in NC?

But hey we are still swimming at the beach and in our shorts and t-shirts so beat that NC peeps. HAHA… just joking. Just had to have a little fun tonight.

We had one busy weekend. My parents surprised me by coming down for the weekend. It was good for us all. My girls missed them a lot, you could really tell. I'm sure Yay-Yay and PawPaw had an awesome time hearing Madisyn's singing debuts and Lyndsee's comical debuts. I don't think we have laughed so hard in such a long time. 

We experienced trunk or treat at the church and then also had the fall festival here in our development that was put on by the HOA. Madisyn was having a huge blast with it all but Lyndsee made sure she stayed close to mommy 😉 or big sissy!

You know I love this time of year when the holidays come about. It just brings a whole new meaning to family I believe. I love seeing my girls eyes light up and having fun at the fall festivals and trunk or treat. Then I know Thanksgiving will be next then Christmas. I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! Its a busy time of year that's for sure, but that is what I crave and I love all the hustle and bustle. It just warms my heart.

Here is a couple picts from this weekend's festivities: